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Amiga CD-Sensation: Demos Are Forever
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Amiga CD-Sensation - Ausgabe 1 - Demos Are Forever (1996)(GTI - Schatztruhe)(DE)[!].iso
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Wrap
Text File
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1993-01-03
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5KB
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198 lines
³¼40 THINGS TO SAY TO¼³
³¼A LAMER¼³
¹
You all know the situation: The school
is over and you're preparing to rush
home to your beloved Amiga. Unluckily
you spot a local gamelamer just outside
the door to the classroom. You don't
have to think long about what he wants.
When you go out the door, he will ask
if he can come and visit you. "Oh no",
you think,"how shall I loose him from
the way from the school to my home?".
We all know what the lamer is up to, he
want games, NEW games, and you're the
guy with the soft. But, you don't have
to tolerate these irritating, annoying,
stupid, timeconsuming lamers anymore.
Fear not, here's what to do:
IF YOU'RE A CODER:
1. Tell him you have to code your new
4096 faces ultra fast glenz rutine in
assembler. He doesn't know what that
is, but he don't want to appear stupid,
so he answers: "Well, THAT sure takes
a lot of time, I know. OK, see ya
later..Bye".
2. The common one. When you've
arrived home, say that you have to
check some demos. After some time,
when there's no hope for games the
lamer disappears.
3. Just start coding when arriving
home. After 2 mins the lamer leaves.
4. Take him with you, give him some
games and make him happy. What he
don't know is that you have placed your
newly invented virus on the disks, so
you can see how it works in the field,
so to speak. If it's a nasty one, he
won't annoy you any more!
5. Say you haven't got the time.
There's a party somewhere and you have
to go (the lamer doesn't know when
there's a party, so you can use this
with success some times).
6. Say: "Well, that's OK, if you can
answer but one question.". The lamer
says: "Yeah man, sure man, what's the
question?. "Just give me the binary
number for cde001!" (I'll bet he can't
answer this, after all he's just a
gamelamer).
7. On the way home just KILL him!
Piece o cake, eh?
8. Say you haven't got the time,
you'll have to visit your girlfriend.
Doesn't work without a girlfriend.
9. You haven't the time, you have to
teach your mathteacher some advanced
maths!
10. Just say NO!
IF YOU'RE A GRAPHICIAN:
1. Take him to your place and begin
drawing on our beloved Amiga. He'll
leave after approximately 10 mins (I
know, one of my friends uses this
method some times (Hi, Adonis)).
2. Same as with the coder.
3. Tell him you've just found the
inspiration to draw something and NO
ONE should disturb you.
4. When he wants some soft, you can
give him your pics and nothing else.
After 2-3 times he'll never visit you
again.
5. You have to draw your ultra sharp
looking girlfriend while she sits
model, NAKED! And therefore you won't
have guests while that is going on.
6. Tell him your mum doesn't want you
to play with unknown boys.
7. Say you're expecting the software
police to storm your house any day. He
won't dare visit you from now on.
8. If there's someone you hate, who
also owns an Amiga, you could give the
lamer his adress and say that this guy
has a lot games.
9. Just play some Techno VERY loud!!
He'll leave after 1 min (there aint'
many techno freax out there).
10. Just say NO!
IF YOU'RE A MUSICIAN:
1. Start composing when you're at
home. Maybe this won't scare the lamer
but if you'd start composing Techno
he'd soon disappear.
2. Same as the coder.
3. You have to compose a new tune, and
you'll only manage to do it ALONE!
4. You're holding a group meeting at
your place, and it's members only.
5. Give him the phone number of the
software police and tell him that he'll
get free cracked games at this number.
You won't see him again for some time!
6. Tell him that he's welcome, IF he
remembers to buy a 1 1/2 litre coke for
you everytime he wants to visit you.
7. Signal to your bodyguards that they
shall remove the squabbling lamer (only
works if you have bodyguards).
8. Say: "Sorry, I have to commit
suicide today!". Maybe he calls the
police and maybe he doesn't, but he
won't bug you anymore.
9. You have to practice playing with
your band, "The pussycats".
10. Just say NO!
IF YOU'RE A SWAPPER:
Remember, as a swapper you are the
person most likely to be annoyed by the
lamer, IF he knows you're a swapper.
1. No, you have to check your mail for
hot stuff, ALONE!
2. Same as the coder.
3. You have to send 15 packages today,
the same amount the next day and so
forth, you'll NEVER get the time for
chatting with him (after saying this,
make sure he doesn't notice your many
FRIENDS visiting you!).
4. No, you have to make some packdisks.
(don't tell him it's gamepacks).
5. Say: "O.K, the prices are 3$ per
disk, without disk!".
6. As you're a very tough and cool
guy, just say: "Fuck off ya shitty
gamelamer. I fucking hate ya!". By
the way, don't say this if he's bigger
than you!
7. Tell him you've sold your Amiga
because you couldn't afford it.
8. Say: "If you accompany me home,
I'll shoot out your brains, roast you
and then give you to my dog!".
9. Hell, I do not know everything my
self, do I. Just find a reason not to
have him visit you.
10. Just say NO!
³DARKHAWK/MEGALOMANIA